Lesson Learned

Mistakes…Everyone makes them. Some are big, some are small…some you can fix, some you can’t. It’s just a way of life. I have made so many mistakes in my life. I have done things that I should not have. I have seen a lot of things that I should not (at this age) yet see. Biggest mistake(s) in my life: I have trusted people I should not have. Too easily. All in all, I am most definitely NOT the ideal person. No one is, after all.
What is a mistake, anyway? According to the dictionary, it states:
MISTAKE:
–noun
1.
an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2.
a misunderstanding or misconception.
–verb (used with object)
3.
to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else: I mistook him for the mayor.
4.
to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret.
–verb (used without object)
5.
to be in error.


I know, you might be thinking: “Damn, what’s with this extremely emo introduction? Is she insane?”
No, I am not.
I have simply had a change in thinking.
I realize that I am a very complicated person. When I say complicated, I mean that I am always thinking for other people, because they seem to make the wrong decisions. However, when it comes to me, I end up making the EXACT same mistakes that those people made. I am a hypocrite. Why? It’s simple. I am a very impulsive person. I act without thinking. No…actually, I act, THEN think. I find it to be a problem that is growing too big for me to bear. I need to make some changes in my life. FAST. Not really fast…but NOW.
Why am I coming to this realization now? Actually, I did not come to this just now. This, along with other things has been on my mind for a long time. So long that I find myself becoming frustrated easily. I explode at someone over the stupidest things (i.e. they ask me a simple question). I cry over the slightest, nonthreatening things (i.e. dropping my food on the floor). Is it because I am depressed? I don’t think so…I think that It’s as if I let everything build up to a point where I cannot hold my emotions in anymore.
I don’t know. I have been feeling like this for awhile. Again, it’s because of a mixture of things. My main thing that I am talking about today though is mistakes. Back in September, I went to some party. (HEY HEY COLLEGE…-_-) Anyways, I did not really feel comfortable going to this party, because my roommate invited me to go out with her. Now, let me give you some background information:
My roommate is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of me. She is the spanking image of a Barbie doll (blonde, has her own personal wardrobe, everyone does everything for her…etc..). The only difference between her and the doll is that MY ROOMMATE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO SHUT HER MOUTH. She is always making some racist joke, or whatever. I ignore it, most of the time. But usually, I speak out.
Anyways, we go out to this party. (It’s her friend’s friends’ house…I knew NONE of them…mistake number one.) There’s drinks. There’s also music. YAY FOR MUSIC!!! Anyways, I realize something: I was the ONLY non-white person there. (Mistake number two. I thought that shit was shady as fuck, but…) My roommate says “I like it that way, you stand out!” Hah, No. So I get a text from some of my friends from High School (thank God) and they were visiting my campus (because they attend a different college). So they wanted a party to go to. Granted, my roommate was telling me, “JEMILA ONLY YOU CAN COME, NO GUYS!” Thank God that I did not listen. Anyways, I end up getting ‘piss drunk’, and eventually pass out. The rest of this night is forever forgotten. I wake up at the hospital the next morning, and I see my mother and my father sitting at my bed. (because at this time, I was 17, and if I am hospitalized, parental units must be contacted) Apparently, I had suffered from alcohol poisoning, and I had also been drugged with codeine. Codeine + Alcohol = COMA. I was so lucky that my old friends were there to take care of me while I was in that disgusting state. I am forever shamed, and I will NEVER forget that moment.
Worst thing is: When I asked my friends (after thanking them, of course..) what had happened, they told me that my ‘new friends’ from college just looked at me as if I was disgusting and left me to (potentially) die. These two guys (my old friends) carried me out of the house, and let me vomit all over them (EWW GROSS), and then when I was unresponsive, took me to the hospital. I have never known the true meaning of friendship until that moment occurred. Best part, WE STILL TALK.
I learned from this HUGE mistake by thinking of what could have happened. What is they were not there? I think that I would be dead. If not dead, still in a coma. I thank God for this, because prior to this incident, I was not a very religious person. My mother says that God acts in strange ways…and he calls people in the most bizarre ways as well. It is indeed a lesson learned.
This mistake is one of the many things that have been haunting my mind. I feel that once I write this down for people to see, maybe then will people (as well as I) will finally understand my complicated mind.


I’ll post what else is on my mind once I myself can clear out my thoughts and write them out in a way that will make sense.