We need a resolution.

Just like everyone else, I have resolutions for the new year.

Here it goes.

◦Stop being so reckless. I need to THINK before I act.
◦Tone it down on the cursing. (seriously, it’s getting ridiculous)
◦Take my studies more seriously.
◦Live for myself, not others. I find that when I try to do for others, I get screwed over.
◦Forgive AND forget. Not just forgive.
◦Take things as they come. Stop trying to see into the future. I’m not psychic.
◦Get back into bboying. I’m getting lazy.
◦Restore my faith completely. Not partially.
◦Speak my mind, don’t hold in so many of my thoughts.
◦However, do not be so blunt. (I find that I hurt a lot of people’s feelings when I DO speak my mind.)
◦Stop letting myself get walked on. It sucks, and it’s unnecessary.
◦Make DEAN’S LIST. Seriously.
◦Try not to die next semester. (I’m taking TWENTY credits)
And the biggest one….

◦Work first, then play.
Happy new year, everyone!

New year....new priorities...

As 2009 is coming to a close, many different reflections of the past year have been constantly running through my head... I have been thinking back on both the positive and negative things that have occurred. It’s upsetting that the negative have outweighed the positive. -_-;;;
For one thing, I almost lost my life in the stupidest way possible. You learn from these mistakes, I guess. On a positive note, however, I have done a lot in the year of 2009. I made it through high school, and graduated ranking in the top ten percent. I got accepted into college(s). I had amazing friends, and hung out moreso than I have in the past. Though some of these friendships have fizzled out, I still have come to see people for who and what they truly are.
Sadly, all good things must come to an end.

As I reached graduation, I could not wait until college. However, within three weeks of school starting, I got myself into trouble. =( However, I am okay! Thanks to two of my friends, (who I was not very close to…until this year..) I’m alright. =) Though most of the people I hang out with do not ‘approve’ or ‘like’ them, I am forever grateful to those two people. Without them, I really think that I would not be here to this day.
Yet again, maybe a month and a half later, I got myself into trouble…AGAIN. =( The first time was not my fault, but this time, I’ll admit, was out of PURE STUPIDITY. Not only was it stupid, but I had a lack of control. Again, I thought I was going to be dead…but I’m not (obviously)…Thanks to ONE friend (whom I am sad to say we grew apart). It sucks, but people change. I will admit that I have. Everyone has. It’s a way of life.

As the new year approaches in less than 24 hours, I must say that I will set new goals for myself. I cannot continue to live so recklessly. I now know where my priorities lie.

This is an extremely honest post…judge me if you wish to. I don’t care anymore.

Bring it on, 2010.

I don't think ...

...that I will miss anyone else as much as I will miss you.
I do wish that I could say that this is not a 'goodbye', but a 'see you soon'...
However, what you said to me tonight has led me to believe that we might not ever see each other again. Or at least for a long time.

But I have hope that we will meet again.

So until then,

Farewell, and good luck. <3

You've got everyone fooled

except me.

Have fun, though. I mean it.

In My fantasy, I'm a pantomime

I'll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean.

I'm starting over. FRESH.

I cut all of my hair off again. Why, you ask? Because I felt like it. Sure, my dad got upset. My mother supported it, though, only because of the reason I gave her. To cut all of my hair off is a metaphor to let go of all the excess things in life. Hair gets annoying, annoying to a point where I begin to hate it. And when I do, I cut it. Just like what I should do when things in life annoy me. When I begin to hate things in life, I'll cut them from it permanently, to avoid any kind of drama. Because I sure don't need any more drama in my life than what I've already got. I've got way too much shit going down in my life that pretty much is making me even more physically and emotionally sick than I already am.

All in all, things aren't going right. I'm still not over something that happened in JANUARY. I'm still doing crappy in school. I still think that I'm an outcast among ALL of my friends because I'm a year or two or three younger than them. But the funny thing is, I'm pretty much more mature than most of them. So I don't understand why I'm still left out of certain things. Maybe I have no real friends...or not as many as I thought I did. Don't get me wrong, not ALL of them are immature. I have a few friends who I feel I can truly relate to. Nonetheless, this is simply a mindless rant.


Fuck this.

...and why do I even care?

Lately it's like everyone is trying impress each other. Even if it means that they're completely changing themselves to 'fit in'. They could be completely making fools of themselves, but they think they're looking cool because they're doing it to impress the people they want to be. Personally, I think a person must have pretty low self-esteem to be changing their personality or image to fit a certain stereotype. It's fucking stupid, really. It's not like someone's staring at you constantly...it's not like people have THAT much time to give a flying rat's ass about every fucking thing you wear or do. If people really pay that much attention to detail, they really have no life of their own. They're brainwashed and have the need to focus on other people. For instance, today I walked past a group of girls, and they looked at what I was wearing and said "Ew, she's gross she doesn't match." WHAT THE FUCK? I don't even know them. They have no right to judge me based on what I was wearing. Do they really have that much time on their hands? Do they think I care? Guess what? I don't. It just annoys me that they'd say that in order to hurt my feelings or something. But unfortunately for them, I actually don't care. They're just clothes. They cover your body. I wear what I want, when I want, and how I want. They and people like them deserve a big 'FUCK YOU!'. Personally, I think girls are the most insecure creatures on this planet. Not all of them but the majority. They care too much about appearance. Well you know what? It doesn't really matter. I honestly don't care too much about mine. That's my choice. Not other people's. Shut up.
Another thing that's been annoying me is the fact that there's way too much drama around me. And most of it is made up. Fake. Why? To give the person who spreads the drama a sense of pleasure and fullfillment. Honestly if you really have to MAKE UP drama to get attention that makes you really low. To all of you people who make up fake shit to get attention, you're simply pathetic. You really are.
I hate when people confide in others and then they end up getting screwed. Their business becomes the world's. If you go to someone and tell them your problems, you know what that means? You're letting yourself become vulnerable. You're trusting them completely. To the people receiving the message: THAT MEANS THEY ONLY WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! Not your mom, not your other friends, NOBODY ELSE. Why the fuck would you go and announce someone's private business to someone they barely know? What right do you think you have? What because it's something to give you attention and a high status? You know what that makes you appear like to the peeson who trusted you? It makes you look like a shitty person. An attention whore. So that's not good at all, is it?
Eh, whatever I'm finished. It's not like this is going to change anything. I'm wasting my time.