I don't think ...

...that I will miss anyone else as much as I will miss you.
I do wish that I could say that this is not a 'goodbye', but a 'see you soon'...
However, what you said to me tonight has led me to believe that we might not ever see each other again. Or at least for a long time.

But I have hope that we will meet again.

So until then,

Farewell, and good luck. <3

You've got everyone fooled

except me.

Have fun, though. I mean it.

In My fantasy, I'm a pantomime

I'll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean.

I'm starting over. FRESH.

I cut all of my hair off again. Why, you ask? Because I felt like it. Sure, my dad got upset. My mother supported it, though, only because of the reason I gave her. To cut all of my hair off is a metaphor to let go of all the excess things in life. Hair gets annoying, annoying to a point where I begin to hate it. And when I do, I cut it. Just like what I should do when things in life annoy me. When I begin to hate things in life, I'll cut them from it permanently, to avoid any kind of drama. Because I sure don't need any more drama in my life than what I've already got. I've got way too much shit going down in my life that pretty much is making me even more physically and emotionally sick than I already am.

All in all, things aren't going right. I'm still not over something that happened in JANUARY. I'm still doing crappy in school. I still think that I'm an outcast among ALL of my friends because I'm a year or two or three younger than them. But the funny thing is, I'm pretty much more mature than most of them. So I don't understand why I'm still left out of certain things. Maybe I have no real friends...or not as many as I thought I did. Don't get me wrong, not ALL of them are immature. I have a few friends who I feel I can truly relate to. Nonetheless, this is simply a mindless rant.


Fuck this.

...and why do I even care?

Lately it's like everyone is trying impress each other. Even if it means that they're completely changing themselves to 'fit in'. They could be completely making fools of themselves, but they think they're looking cool because they're doing it to impress the people they want to be. Personally, I think a person must have pretty low self-esteem to be changing their personality or image to fit a certain stereotype. It's fucking stupid, really. It's not like someone's staring at you constantly...it's not like people have THAT much time to give a flying rat's ass about every fucking thing you wear or do. If people really pay that much attention to detail, they really have no life of their own. They're brainwashed and have the need to focus on other people. For instance, today I walked past a group of girls, and they looked at what I was wearing and said "Ew, she's gross she doesn't match." WHAT THE FUCK? I don't even know them. They have no right to judge me based on what I was wearing. Do they really have that much time on their hands? Do they think I care? Guess what? I don't. It just annoys me that they'd say that in order to hurt my feelings or something. But unfortunately for them, I actually don't care. They're just clothes. They cover your body. I wear what I want, when I want, and how I want. They and people like them deserve a big 'FUCK YOU!'. Personally, I think girls are the most insecure creatures on this planet. Not all of them but the majority. They care too much about appearance. Well you know what? It doesn't really matter. I honestly don't care too much about mine. That's my choice. Not other people's. Shut up.
Another thing that's been annoying me is the fact that there's way too much drama around me. And most of it is made up. Fake. Why? To give the person who spreads the drama a sense of pleasure and fullfillment. Honestly if you really have to MAKE UP drama to get attention that makes you really low. To all of you people who make up fake shit to get attention, you're simply pathetic. You really are.
I hate when people confide in others and then they end up getting screwed. Their business becomes the world's. If you go to someone and tell them your problems, you know what that means? You're letting yourself become vulnerable. You're trusting them completely. To the people receiving the message: THAT MEANS THEY ONLY WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! Not your mom, not your other friends, NOBODY ELSE. Why the fuck would you go and announce someone's private business to someone they barely know? What right do you think you have? What because it's something to give you attention and a high status? You know what that makes you appear like to the peeson who trusted you? It makes you look like a shitty person. An attention whore. So that's not good at all, is it?
Eh, whatever I'm finished. It's not like this is going to change anything. I'm wasting my time.

Hate is such a strong word...but oh well...

I am sick and tired of a lot of things. I am about to speak my mind. I may not be able to vent my emotions like Lucie, but oh well.. Let's begin, shall we?I hate when people are two-faced and smile in your face, then go behind your back. Especially when they say that they think you are "so cool" or "awesome" and shit. 95% the time, you don't mean it. So shut the fuck up and tell the fucking truth, or you might as well not be worth the time and effort.I hate it when people spread stuff about others. Especially when they know all of the facts about the situation, and yet still turn it into a hyperbole of a rumor. Stop fucking spreading shit. If you have that much time to lie like that, you really aren't worth my time.Most of all, I hate it when people say things like, "Jemila, you don't act black." or, "Go back to Africa and learn that language." The most sickening part? They say this because I speak 2 other languages (fluently) ALONG with English. Korean, and Portugese. Apparently, black people aren't supposed to be able to do that. (based on the way I am treated...) First of all, there is no distinct way to 'act black.' Honestly, tell me, am I expected to act in the stereotypical way where I speak improper english and act like a fool? Is that really how people view my race? It's sickening. They are adding fuel to the fire. Shut the fuck up. Not only that, but not all of us are African. And even if that is so, Africa is a continent, so stop referring to it as if it is a country. I am Guyanese-Indian/Jamaican-Chinese. Guyana is not in Africa, it is in South America. Next to Brazil. Hence why I speak Portugese. And because my aunt is Korean, she would speak to me in Korean when I was younger. Hence why I am able to speak Korean. Are those African languages? No. Shut the fuck up and go die.I hate it when you think you have friends that you can trust, and then when you tell them things, they go and tell the whole fucking world, despite the fact that they promised you that they wouldn't. I cannot stand when your friends get involved in your business, even though you told them not to. On top of that, they ruin everything. You're forced to try and fix everything. When you go to confront the friend that ruined everything, they lie and say that they didn't. It pisses me off. Not only do you completely disregard my wishes for you not to get involved, you lied to me to my fucking face. I hate that. A lot. I hate it when people label each other, let alone themselves. (I know, Lucie said the same thing) Labels are pointless. I hate them. It's not right to just stick a person or yourself into a stereotypical group in order to 'make a statement'. You are basically just like everyone else. Why? Because, you think that you are different, but everyone else does too. It's a growing epidemic.If I am in a bad mood, and you ask me what's wrong, and I say it's nothing and tell you to leave me alone, JUST DO IT. I am sick and tired of people asking me what the matter is. If I want you to know, I'll tell you when you ask me. If not, stop asking. I'm dead serious. STOP.I hate how Myspace is getting. It's is so annoying. I hate when people post pictures of themselves and say, "OMG I'm ugly." or "Eww I hate this picture." Shut the fuck up. You do not think you're ugly, and you do not hate that picture. If you did, you wouldn't have posted it online for millions of people to see. You say things like that so people will say "No you're not." or "Omg you're hot" Go kill yourself if you hate yourself that much. I also hate it when people request to add you only to have 492978541230 friends. Nobody on this planet has that many friends, let alone talks to that many people. So honestly, if you request to add me, talk to me. If you don't, I can guarantee you will be deleted. Another thing, I hate those gay bulletins that get posted on myspace. You know, the ones that say, "Repost or your mom will die tonight at 3:27 am." I never repost, and my mom is still here. Shut up.I hate people. In general. Not all of them, But most of them. Why? Because they suck. In fact, I most likely hate you. Don't take it personal. I hate almost everyone. Almost being the key word. Those who I call my friends, I love them dearly. Believe that. I hate the way some people will do and say anything to make friends. If you do that and lie to all your friends about yourself, then that friendship is completely fake. It's all just a lie. Just be yourself. If people don't like it, oh well. That friendship just wasn't meant to happen then. I hate how fucked up the world is becoming. Everything is "WAR!! WAR WAR!!" It's all because of politics. Please don't get me started on politics... I hate when people who promise that they'll treat you right and swear they love you are lying. They get everything they want out of you and then they throw you out to the curb like a stray kitten. (this isn't about me, it's about my friend whose ex boyfriend was a complete and total asshole. He did this to her.)I hate my school. The people in our town really overdramatized it. Sure, it's big. But already, it's crowded. And next year, 700 more people are coming in and only about 400 are graduating this year. So that means 300 more people are going to add to the mix. Great. I hate the people who run the school. The whole school is wired with video cameras and yet only ONE that's right ONE person knows the code to access them. And when that person isn't there, nobody, not even the principal for God's sake knows the code. When my camera and mp3 player and memory chips got stolen, nobody could help me. $200 worth of merchandise GONE. And I still don't have it back yet. Why? Because the one guy who knew the code never came back to school.I hate the people in my school. Well, not all of them. Some of them are okay. Some are amazing. It's just everyone is so critical and judgemental about everything. For instance, if someone (GOD FORBID *sarcasm*) were to come in wearing something that was ODD or 'UNFASHIONABLE'....all hell would break loose. It's sickening. I hate it.That's about all I want to post. (for now. It's late, but the list goes on and on.....and on....)